Living a Masquerade
*JUST A REMINDER TO EMBRACE YOURSELF*
LIVING A #MASQUERADE [Part I]
For so long, during my adult life, I have had to live a #MASQUERADE to please others and be “accepted.” For so long Beatrice Sanabria had to allow others to shine and simply be a shadow in their lives.
During my time in education, I had to tone down who I really was . . . “Beatrice if you want to work in this school system for a long time - don’t rock the boat.” I heard that from so many “professionals” supposedly working for the betterment of the children in the city.
During my time in politics, I was told from an early beginning never to wear red or any colorful clothes or extremely high heels. “Make sure you are not noticed nor heard. Remember to stay in your place.” “It is best you only wear blue, black or grey to these functions. It looks more presentable.” When I tried to speak out, I was told by a female politician, “Remember who we are and who helps you.” What a lie!
During my time in business, well now we get to the nitty gritty because now is when I got attacked for my physical. I remember working for a well-known executive and company in the city when he said to me, “Beatrice why do you insist on wearing your nails so long, coloring your hair all the time and wearing those huge earrings. You know people come to see me all the time and I have to explain who you are.” I refused to change! He then gave me the almighty remark that I will never forget, “Why are you so difficult to tame! You insist on being a wild horse and you will never be accepted or go any higher than this.”
During my time in radio, “Lady you don’t belong here. You are too old and fat LOL.” “Your voice is not for radio LOL.” No matter what I did to treat them with all pleasant words and give them hugs these men were determined to make sure to never accept me as part of the team. They wanted to talk about sex and nasty things and I wanted to talk about educational topics – we clashed. The ladies were even worse by reminding me that the men did not want me there, how fat I was, dressed so different and how old I looked. This was daily and even through communications (emails and phone calls).
During my time producing my radio and video talk shows, everyone around me controlled my image (the way I looked) and even how I spoke. Heck even who I mingled with was carefully watched. Now mind you at this point in my life I totally understood and accepted these “suggestions” because of the goals in mind that I wanted to achieve. What I did not appreciate, “Beatrice you cannot go outside your house without makeup anymore. You must look presentable every single day anywhere you go.” “You know you must look and sound a certain way if you want anyone to take you serious and succeed.”
In life I have had to be many things to many people at different times. I have been a daughter, wife, mother and now grandmother. Along the way I have lost who I really am – what I like – what are my strengths and even how to accept me as I look right now.
In life I have endured different #MASQUERADES and lost the pure essence of who Beatrice Sanabria truly is. I lost myself in the midst of the circle of life. I had to make sure to rip off the masks and become ME again.
Beatrice Maria Sanabria de Caraballo is a 49 year old, Negra, Arawak Indian (Taino), woman of the Caribbean Island of Puerto Rico with ancestors from Spain and descendants of slavery. My favorite color is red; I love speed; I love reading, I love the beach, gardening and taking in the creation God has formed for us. I believe and follow only one being GOD. I have flaws and I love them. I love opera, country, blue grass music, but I also love Bomba, Plena, Danza and Reggaeton. I don’t like wearing makeup, but I love coloring my hair and my long nails. My deep passion is long classy gowns and stiletto shoes. I don’t like smiling because it has been so difficult for me, but I am a happy person with a happy soul. I love dancing although now it is almost impossible. I love giving other women and men compliments and celebrating their success without feeling insecure or awkward. I suffer from chronic health conditions yet I am living life. I am a great Public Relations Consultant and do awesome work. I have accomplished so much in my life and I am working on accepting me 215 lbs., scars and all.
Judge me if you wish! I am use to it!
Thank you Leesa for helping me create these beautiful images entitled MASQUERADE 2018.
Editorial Photography by Leesa Fontanez
Gown by Carrie Rice
Jewelry by Michelle Lofland-Wilson
Location BMC Network Communications, LLC